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Too Thin Skinned? You'll Be Eaten Alive

In the corporate race for advancement, thick skinned high performers will exploit their peers' thin skinned flaws. You need to thicken your armour!

One of the major traits that I have observed in my career that differentiated successful leaders from those that never made it or didn't last was the ability to develop a thick skin. Thick skinned refers to someone who doesn't easily get upset or who takes criticism well without over-reacting or getting riled up. In fact, in my experience, the most thick-skinned people simply do not care about other people's opinion. This is an extreme that I do not recommend because knowing what criticism to accept and how to grow from constructive criticism is a skill that is critical to your success.

You can easily spot someone who is thin skinned by the way they impulsively react to criticism about their work or themselves, the way their face flushes at the slightest hint of criticism, the way they start fidgeting at their chair, or how they might use expressions like "I don't care" or "not my fault" too quickly.

If you are thin skinned, you must develop the tools to cope with this trait and develop a thicker skin.

Step 1. Learn to recognize when you are being thin skinned. This requires a little introspection and awareness on your part. You might get easily agitated, feel your face getting red or your heart begin to beat faster, react too quickly to comments. Pay attention and understand your trigger points.

Step 2. Learn to control it. The old adage of "taking a deep breath" is very much applicable here. As you recognize that you are reacting, do not say a word. Rather, take a deep breath and count to 10. Just let the criticism or comment wash over you. Your new display of calmness and control will throw off anone trying to take advantage of your thin skin.

Step 3. Develop 3 go-to phrases that will buy you time to think rather than react. Examples of go-to phrases include:

"You make a good point John/Jane, let me give it some thought before giving you an answer"

"That is an interesting conclusion John/Jane, can I ask you to explain how you came to it?"

"Frankly, I never thought of it that way, can you expand on that point, John/Jane."

Step 4. Conduct a retrospection in private after each event that you felt yourself being thin skinned to assess how you dealt with it, what you did well, and what you could have done differently.

Step 5. Enlist the help of an ally to provide you feedback on how you are improving and what still needs to be worked on.

The sooner you recognize the situations that set you off and expose your thin skin, the sooner you can begin to develop a better armour.


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